Yes, I do porn. Yes, it is having sex with other men with cameras rolling. Being in porn does NOT = being a prostitute. Let me say this, Porn stars are paid to ACT; prostitutes are paid for sex. We engage in sexual activities as part of the role we are playing. That doesn't count as "sex for hire". It is not prostitution for the fact that fees aren't paid for the purpose of sexual arousal or gratification, they are paid for the ACTING. Prostitution is generally understood as the trading of sex for money, while pornography involves the customer of an adult film paying money to watch other people have sex with each other, while receiving no sexual favors himself in return. The process of filming and distributing pornography is considered protected speech, under the Supreme Court's First Amendment precedents as long as a work, taken as a whole, has "serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value". Therefor, it being an expression of an art, it is protected under the First Amendment.
Okay, so with all that being said, I am NOT available for you to hire me to have sex with you. THAT is in fact prostitution. If you want to hire me to ACT like i'm having sex with you, but no kind of sex actually happens, I can do that. But you can't hire me to have sex with you and say "I'll record us".. because you're still paying me to have sex with you. So it doesn't make it any better.
I can't tell you how irritated I am by guys messaging me asking how much for a night with me. It makes me wish I could reach through the screen and smack some sense into them. Seriously, you cannot pay me enough to be involved with prostitution. I am not an Escort, I am not a prostitute and I am not just some random whore that you can have sex with just because I do porn. Actually the fact that I am a pornstar SHOULD make you realize that I am absolutely untouchable. Would you email Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba and ask them "how much?" I think not.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The ever awaited Hardcore
So end of spring 2011, I was flown back to Miami to shoot with Company #2 for my first hardcore. Now let me say first, I LOVE this company. The people are always SO nice and it's like a little family. They treat me like a member of the "clan" and not like just another model there to shoot. I love shooting for them.
When I got there it was pretty late and all I did was go to the hotel and go to sleep. But the next morning I woke up and didn't have butterflies, I had full grown birds flying around my stomach. I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean obviously go through with it, but how?..lol. See, the day before I flew out I started my period. This is going to give away exactly who I am to about 3 people..lol, but ya know, it happens! How was I going to shoot porn with all that mess going on? Their solution: Makeup sponges. INGENIOUS! Just stuff one up there and I was able to do a still and video and then change it at every hair and makeup touch up. Now I won't go into how horribly difficult it was to take the things out. I was nearly reduced to tears a few times. Luckily there was an amazing guy (who happen to be the photographer) and he took one ..well a few.. for the team and helped me when I was at my wits end with those damned sponges. That could not have been pleasant for him and I will forever owe him big time.
Well I did a solo shoot first. I shot outside in almost plain view of regular people..lol. It was absolutely exhilarating. I love the idea of being watched by people who aren't supposed to be watching. That was awesome.
So getting touched up after that for my first hardcore EVER, the male model came in. He was pretty cute :) Blond hair, blue eyes, definitely works out.. I was pleasantly surprised. He was very understanding as well. He was a perfect choice for my first boy/girl. He basically walked me through what we would be doing, telling me exactly how it would go. He was sweet and charming in real life and turned into this dirty animal when the camera starting rolling..lol. I was kinda surprised..haha. But it was cool, after all I'm shooting porn.
He was bigger than I'm used to. I mean my husband isn't tiny or anything, definitely satisfies me. But this guy was longer. It was very nice and I was put in positions I don't usually get to try at home. He hurt me a little bit here and there and I wonder if it'll be apparent in the video.. that'll be interesting to see.
That first one was good and in the shower when it was over, I decided I am much happier doing hardcore than I ever was doing solos. I think I'll be doing hardcore from here on out :)
The second guy that was kind of a different story. See, he was black. I had never been with a black guy before even in my real life, and I was kinda nervous. I mean you hear things, ya know. Black guys are supposed to hung like horses and aggressive and all that. I was nervous..lol.
Well when he got there he didn't look too intimidating. He had an average sized body, he wasn't overly tall and he didn't have anything hanging out of his shorts..LOL ( yes I checked). Anyway, I was kinda shocked when he sat at the table and rolled out a joint right in front of everyone. (Probably shouldn't be talking about that..haha) It kinda put me off a little, I'd never been with a guy who had to be high to be with me...Well after he smoked his doobie, we were ready for our thing.
When we finally got into it, I was very pleasantly surprised to see him. He was not hung like a horse (he was big, don't get me wrong) and he proved to be quite gentle. He took it very easy on me and it ended up being quite pleasant; except every time he exhaled I was enveloped in a cloud of stinky weed aftertaste-smell... blech.
After it was over it was pretty late. I was taken to get some dinner and to the hotel and had time to eat and sleep a few hours before I had to be up at 3am to go to the airport. :( I wished I had been able to stay longer, but there was a communication error and I guess I told him I needed to be home early.. Oh well.. next time I'll be clearer.
Nothing to do with porn, but on the plane home I sat by this 22 yr old guy. He was pretty cute. He was so funny because he was looking at the sky mall magazine and kept pointing things out to me but not moving the magazine close enough for me to see it. So I would lean over and look and he would rub his arm all over my boob..LOL! He did it so nonchalantly like I wasn't gonna know what was going on, but I just let him do it. I would look at hhim and smile as to say "I'm not stupid, I know what you're doing" and he paid no attention and just kept copping a feel..hahaha.
Well when I got home I got the saddness again. I was snippy to my husband and had no patience for my kiddos. I wanted to go back to Fl and just shoot. I love shooting. It was only a few days and I was back to normal. :)
When I got there it was pretty late and all I did was go to the hotel and go to sleep. But the next morning I woke up and didn't have butterflies, I had full grown birds flying around my stomach. I didn't know what I was going to do. I mean obviously go through with it, but how?..lol. See, the day before I flew out I started my period. This is going to give away exactly who I am to about 3 people..lol, but ya know, it happens! How was I going to shoot porn with all that mess going on? Their solution: Makeup sponges. INGENIOUS! Just stuff one up there and I was able to do a still and video and then change it at every hair and makeup touch up. Now I won't go into how horribly difficult it was to take the things out. I was nearly reduced to tears a few times. Luckily there was an amazing guy (who happen to be the photographer) and he took one ..well a few.. for the team and helped me when I was at my wits end with those damned sponges. That could not have been pleasant for him and I will forever owe him big time.
Well I did a solo shoot first. I shot outside in almost plain view of regular people..lol. It was absolutely exhilarating. I love the idea of being watched by people who aren't supposed to be watching. That was awesome.
So getting touched up after that for my first hardcore EVER, the male model came in. He was pretty cute :) Blond hair, blue eyes, definitely works out.. I was pleasantly surprised. He was very understanding as well. He was a perfect choice for my first boy/girl. He basically walked me through what we would be doing, telling me exactly how it would go. He was sweet and charming in real life and turned into this dirty animal when the camera starting rolling..lol. I was kinda surprised..haha. But it was cool, after all I'm shooting porn.
He was bigger than I'm used to. I mean my husband isn't tiny or anything, definitely satisfies me. But this guy was longer. It was very nice and I was put in positions I don't usually get to try at home. He hurt me a little bit here and there and I wonder if it'll be apparent in the video.. that'll be interesting to see.
That first one was good and in the shower when it was over, I decided I am much happier doing hardcore than I ever was doing solos. I think I'll be doing hardcore from here on out :)
The second guy that was kind of a different story. See, he was black. I had never been with a black guy before even in my real life, and I was kinda nervous. I mean you hear things, ya know. Black guys are supposed to hung like horses and aggressive and all that. I was nervous..lol.
Well when he got there he didn't look too intimidating. He had an average sized body, he wasn't overly tall and he didn't have anything hanging out of his shorts..LOL ( yes I checked). Anyway, I was kinda shocked when he sat at the table and rolled out a joint right in front of everyone. (Probably shouldn't be talking about that..haha) It kinda put me off a little, I'd never been with a guy who had to be high to be with me...Well after he smoked his doobie, we were ready for our thing.
When we finally got into it, I was very pleasantly surprised to see him. He was not hung like a horse (he was big, don't get me wrong) and he proved to be quite gentle. He took it very easy on me and it ended up being quite pleasant; except every time he exhaled I was enveloped in a cloud of stinky weed aftertaste-smell... blech.
After it was over it was pretty late. I was taken to get some dinner and to the hotel and had time to eat and sleep a few hours before I had to be up at 3am to go to the airport. :( I wished I had been able to stay longer, but there was a communication error and I guess I told him I needed to be home early.. Oh well.. next time I'll be clearer.
Nothing to do with porn, but on the plane home I sat by this 22 yr old guy. He was pretty cute. He was so funny because he was looking at the sky mall magazine and kept pointing things out to me but not moving the magazine close enough for me to see it. So I would lean over and look and he would rub his arm all over my boob..LOL! He did it so nonchalantly like I wasn't gonna know what was going on, but I just let him do it. I would look at hhim and smile as to say "I'm not stupid, I know what you're doing" and he paid no attention and just kept copping a feel..hahaha.
Well when I got home I got the saddness again. I was snippy to my husband and had no patience for my kiddos. I wanted to go back to Fl and just shoot. I love shooting. It was only a few days and I was back to normal. :)
The career changing decision
When I got home from my second shoot with Company #1, I had a discussion with my husband about possibly moving to hardcore. He was actually very willing to go ahead and let me try it out. Of course with the conditions that he can always change his mind. I don't think he will change it but it made him feel better about it to know that he could. So when offer #2 from company #2 was placed, it was time to include some hardcore :) I was N.E.R.V.O.U.S.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Second Break
Well between my first break and the second one I was asked to shoot a few photos for another Magazine. I didn't get to fly out anywhere and we just shot from home, but I was so excited that I'd be in a magazine.
So of course I did it :) I was ecstatic when they chose me to be in it. I'm not on the cover of any magazine (yet :P), but just being in them is SUCH an honor for me. I didn't get paid for this one but in return I got my links published to all my sites that are paid so it was a win win. Being published in a magazine in the industry and getting more traffic to my sites was unbelievable. That magazine came out summer of 2011. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm anticipating some huge hits on my sites from it :)
My second big break was in early 2011. My content from my first big break had just been posted and I was still on the "high" from the fan comments. LoL. So I was kinda thrown for a loop when I got another email from yet another company wanting to shoot with me. This second company found me on Facebook. They've been in business since the early 2000's and have a HUGE following. They also have many little sites all combined into one and produce dvds. So I couldn't believe it was happening again..haha. Totally honest, I thought the first time was gonna be the only time because, well, things like this don't happen to me, so I was taken by surprise when another company actually wanted me. Of course I said yes. The nerves started working again. I was SO completely nervous I couldn't eat for a few days leading up to the shoot and the day of again. So they flew me out to miami (yeah 2 companies, same city..haha) and we did 3 solo shoots with video. I got the hair and makeup done again.. it looked amazing. I almost didn't even recognize myself. trying on wardrobe is super fun too. I love seeing what stuff they have and finding out what looks great and what doesn't so much.
The photos were easy. I love shooting stills. I hold one amazing pose and the photographer moves to get different angles. It's so much fun. Shooting video is more difficult. I have to constantly be "on" and I've had no training as an actress. Even having done it once before, I had no idea what I was doing. lol. The photographer was AMAZING! He was so great at direction. He would tell me what to do, what to say, how to do it and how to say it.. it was so awesome. He kept telling me how absolutely gorgeous I was and how much I was turning him on. He would say things like " wow, what is it about you?" and " how are you doing this?" He's a good looking guy so it was helping alot. Knowing that I was "turning him on" was turning me on and making it super easy. I don't know if he meant any of it or if he just knew that it would help, but it was really good to hear it at that moment :)
The morning after the shoot I went home. I got all "down" again and wanted to go back. I just love all that "star" treatment. Luckily it was only a week until one of those sets was posted on their website. Again I thought for sure I was gonna get some criticism but it was all rave reviews. All the compliments I got totally jerked me out of the funk I was in and I was "high" once again. lol. When that wore off I was fully into the swing of things at home and was happy again just living my sweet little life posting photos sets on my other sites. Just having had the chance to be on those bigger sites and getting to say I shot with them was all I ever needed at that moment in time.
So of course I did it :) I was ecstatic when they chose me to be in it. I'm not on the cover of any magazine (yet :P), but just being in them is SUCH an honor for me. I didn't get paid for this one but in return I got my links published to all my sites that are paid so it was a win win. Being published in a magazine in the industry and getting more traffic to my sites was unbelievable. That magazine came out summer of 2011. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm anticipating some huge hits on my sites from it :)
My second big break was in early 2011. My content from my first big break had just been posted and I was still on the "high" from the fan comments. LoL. So I was kinda thrown for a loop when I got another email from yet another company wanting to shoot with me. This second company found me on Facebook. They've been in business since the early 2000's and have a HUGE following. They also have many little sites all combined into one and produce dvds. So I couldn't believe it was happening again..haha. Totally honest, I thought the first time was gonna be the only time because, well, things like this don't happen to me, so I was taken by surprise when another company actually wanted me. Of course I said yes. The nerves started working again. I was SO completely nervous I couldn't eat for a few days leading up to the shoot and the day of again. So they flew me out to miami (yeah 2 companies, same city..haha) and we did 3 solo shoots with video. I got the hair and makeup done again.. it looked amazing. I almost didn't even recognize myself. trying on wardrobe is super fun too. I love seeing what stuff they have and finding out what looks great and what doesn't so much.
The photos were easy. I love shooting stills. I hold one amazing pose and the photographer moves to get different angles. It's so much fun. Shooting video is more difficult. I have to constantly be "on" and I've had no training as an actress. Even having done it once before, I had no idea what I was doing. lol. The photographer was AMAZING! He was so great at direction. He would tell me what to do, what to say, how to do it and how to say it.. it was so awesome. He kept telling me how absolutely gorgeous I was and how much I was turning him on. He would say things like " wow, what is it about you?" and " how are you doing this?" He's a good looking guy so it was helping alot. Knowing that I was "turning him on" was turning me on and making it super easy. I don't know if he meant any of it or if he just knew that it would help, but it was really good to hear it at that moment :)
The morning after the shoot I went home. I got all "down" again and wanted to go back. I just love all that "star" treatment. Luckily it was only a week until one of those sets was posted on their website. Again I thought for sure I was gonna get some criticism but it was all rave reviews. All the compliments I got totally jerked me out of the funk I was in and I was "high" once again. lol. When that wore off I was fully into the swing of things at home and was happy again just living my sweet little life posting photos sets on my other sites. Just having had the chance to be on those bigger sites and getting to say I shot with them was all I ever needed at that moment in time.
First big break
So everything was set up and I was flown to Miami near the end of 2010. I gotta tell ya I was so nervous I couldn't eat from about 3 days leading up to it and the few days I was there. I think I lost 7 pound in those 5 days. I was doing solo shoots with videos to match.. I hadn't done videos yet. Talk about NERVOUS. To top it off I had a bad cold that trip and I couldn't hear right and I was coughing alot..so I didn't sleep well at all on top of all that. Anyway, that next day at shooting was SO much fun. I did not realize how much I would LOVE having my hair and makeup professionally done. I looked like a star..haha. I was completely in awe at the lights, and the studio, the "real" photographer (who was great at directing me . I SO needed direction). I remember during my first shoot he actually told me I'm really good and it looks very natural. I was flattered. I did 3 shoots all ended up with me playing with a dildo. One of those shoots is actually in a magazine now :). There was so much adrenaline mixed with the pure joy of just being there and excitement from my actual first REAL shoot, that the day flew by. I couldn't believe it when it was over. I was rushed out of there pretty fast because I had to catch a plane home that same day. Whew, what a time I had.
When I got home I had a hard time adjusting back to my real life. I got really depressed for a while and was crying about nothing and everything. I wanted to go back. I wanted to live THAT life. Everything about it was awesome. I was treated like a star at the hotel. The whole "model" treatment at the shoot was great too and I wanted it all back. I was not happy being at home back in my hum-drum life raising my family. I got over it in a few weeks, but it was hard. When my first shoot came out on their website I was overcome. I had such a mix of emotion it was like being back at the shoot again. What if no one liked it? What if I made a fool out of myself being so inexperienced and all? Could I handle the criticism? Well apparently, everyone who commented loved it. I was a hit! I made it to the number one spot and stayed there for a few weeks. After being in the top 5 for a few months I'm now in the top 20 and not really moving out of it. I think it goes up and down whenever shoots are posted. So everytime I have one posted, my rank will change again.
When I got home I had a hard time adjusting back to my real life. I got really depressed for a while and was crying about nothing and everything. I wanted to go back. I wanted to live THAT life. Everything about it was awesome. I was treated like a star at the hotel. The whole "model" treatment at the shoot was great too and I wanted it all back. I was not happy being at home back in my hum-drum life raising my family. I got over it in a few weeks, but it was hard. When my first shoot came out on their website I was overcome. I had such a mix of emotion it was like being back at the shoot again. What if no one liked it? What if I made a fool out of myself being so inexperienced and all? Could I handle the criticism? Well apparently, everyone who commented loved it. I was a hit! I made it to the number one spot and stayed there for a few weeks. After being in the top 5 for a few months I'm now in the top 20 and not really moving out of it. I think it goes up and down whenever shoots are posted. So everytime I have one posted, my rank will change again.
My second site
This site was what did me in so to speak..haha. I wanted to try out posting more risqué photos but without "tarring" my name I was currently trying to build. So I came up with a new name. I wish I had never done that. I now want to use my original name, not this pseudo stage name. Now if I tell you that name I will spoil my anonymity, so I won't. But I still have that site in that name as well. It's doing really well! Each month I get more and more members. I post to that site a few times a month and it's more than just topless photos. I do all sorts of things from just erotic nude posing to playing with dildos and fingers. I still really enjoy that site. :) Well after being on that site for approximately 30 days, I got an email from a recruiter asking if I wanted to model with their company. This was the same company that people were telling me I should try to get in with, but I was honestly scared of the rejection, so I didn't pursue it myself. But when they contacted me.. I was so flattered, I couldn't exactly say no :) Now this is a huge mainstream company and I was almost wetting my pants with excitement. I couldn't believe it had actually happened. It was actually happening...to ME! This company puts out tons of different publications, runs tons of sites, and has been around since the 90's and they wanted to shoot with me!
My first site
I started on a photo sharing site where I would post photos and people would buy them. I made pocket change every month. I posted mostly topless stuff but nothing erotic or pornographic at all. I loved taking the photos, posting the photos then hearing my adorning fans (all couple hundred of them..haha) tell me how beautiful, sexy and gorgeous I was. That was a huge thing for me. I was just a regular old housewife. Noting special really. My husband told me how terrific and beautiful I was but, you know, he was my husband. To hear it from others was such an amazing feeling. It totally drove me to each post and I started posting more and more. I'm still on that site to this day, still making only pocket change, but still selling topless only photo sets.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Intro
I am the Anonymous PornStar. I have been in porn for a few months now. I will be blogging about my experiences, but you will never know who I am. I want to keep my identity hidden so I can freely speak my mind without repercussion. I won't be writing any names of the companies I work with either. They'll just be numbered in order that I've shot with them.
I am a large girl. I wear a J cup. I weigh about 230 pounds. Just a year or two ago I had no idea there was even a market for bbw porn. Some one mentioned the name of a website and told me I should join. I was completely put off at first because it was porn. I wasn't into porn at the time. I was modeling, sometimes nude, sometimes not, but I wasn't looking to get into porn. I never would have guessed that just a few months later I'd be a sensation on that very site.
At that time I had joined a few picture sharing sites to try to make some money off the modeling, it went alright. Then I decided to take it a step further and take more "naughty" photos and post them on a completely different site. That one took off. I was discovered on that site and thus, I was born into the porn industry.
I am a large girl. I wear a J cup. I weigh about 230 pounds. Just a year or two ago I had no idea there was even a market for bbw porn. Some one mentioned the name of a website and told me I should join. I was completely put off at first because it was porn. I wasn't into porn at the time. I was modeling, sometimes nude, sometimes not, but I wasn't looking to get into porn. I never would have guessed that just a few months later I'd be a sensation on that very site.
At that time I had joined a few picture sharing sites to try to make some money off the modeling, it went alright. Then I decided to take it a step further and take more "naughty" photos and post them on a completely different site. That one took off. I was discovered on that site and thus, I was born into the porn industry.
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